A Challenge...blog your heart

I avidly follow Stephanie's blog and love how honest and real she is in her posts.  I also love looking at her amazing layouts and awe at how she manages life with four adorable children (often by herself) because her husband is in the military.  The honesty though is what gets me: and because of her honesty, I have been moved to be honest in my post as well  by blogging my heart.  Here is what I am thinking... 

•  I am eagerly awaiting the arrival of  my husband and hoping he makes it home safely from his trip to Vegas. 
• I am thrilled at the start of the new school year and my current students with all of their energy and enthusiasm and hope it continues through the school year.
• I love that I still enjoy my job after 11 years and look forward to going to work (almost every day). I know that I am lucky to be employed and even more lucky to enjoy what I do. 

•  I am thinking about the York peppermint patty I just ate and how it is not part of the South Beach Diet...but I am also thinking about how I have been following the diet religiously for the last 6 weeks and have lost 15 pounds, so I think it's allowed.  

•  I am wishing that I didn't fall and sprain my ankle the other night while running.  While it is obviously unfortunate to injure yourself, it is also ruining my exercise streak.  That is making me very frustrated. And I think the frustration is what led to the 2 york peppermint patties :) 

• I am praying for my father as he is faced with a relapse of Multiple Myeloma.  I am just wondering how it is that a man who has undergone treatment and was able to fight it and then got diagnosed with colon cancer, went through chemo and was able to fight it- how, is it possible that this man relapses.  Sometimes I don't understand.  And while my father is fighting again, I am praying for my mother because it is incredibly hard on her to be the caretaker yet again.  
• I also don't understand why I have not been able to get pregnant the last 2 3/4 years. After numerous fertility treatments, injections, medications, doctors, tests, arguments with my husband, tears, fits of jealousy, angry rages and just pure sadness there are still no answers.  I am hopeful that with this new doctor and protocol we will be successful in our next treatment.  I try to remain positive and optimistic and "keep my mind off of it" as people often suggest, but sometimes that is easier said than done.  Sometimes all I want to do is cry.  Sometimes when I am walking through the store and I see a pregnant woman, I wish that it was me.  Sometimes when I learn of a friend that is pregnant again- I am filled with a sense of jealousy, and then I hate myself for it.  Sometimes I imagine the empty room upstairs designed as a nursery and wonder when I will be able to bring a baby home.  Sometimes I think about getting another dog but know that it will not fill the void.  And despite all those "sometimes," I have never believed that it won't happen sometime.  It will.  And when it does, it will be the most amazing thing in the world and I will appreciate it that much more because it is has been such a struggle to get there.  

And that is what I am thinking. And that's really putting myself out there....but I think I feel a little better.  So thanks Stephanie!
Love to you all- Kristen